Every time.

Every time, every fucking time, I start to feel better and she says or does something to shatter it and the clouds come back. Today I get a text; it says this is her new phone number. It’s an Orange county number, the county her boyfriend lives in. He added her to his plan. It shouldn’t bother me but it does. I’m not going to Lie, it really fucking bothers me. I still want to smash his face in. I want to let him know that I will not accept him stealing my peacefully.

I won’t do anything of course. That would hurt her and I do not want to hurt her at all. I fucked up, I drove her away ands it’s all my fault anyway so I should just move on.

Fuck, why did I drive her away? Why did I push her to him? I am complete shit and deserve my pain. I deserve every bad thing that happens to me. It’s all my own doing. I brought this on and can not blame her at all.