Vacation

I need to go somewhere, get out of LA for awhile. I haven’t travelled anywhere in a long time. The city is starting to get to me; work is starting to get to me. I’m making stupid little mistakes at work and getting yelled at. I haven’t taken any time off in ages. It’s not that easy to get time off here. There are only three of us and I’m the only one that knows how to do my job. I’m going crazy looking at the same desk everyday for 9 hours. I can’t remember the last time I had a real vacation. I need to sit in the desert and look at the stars. I want to forget about chemicals, satellites, missiles, radar and hazmat for awhile. Just look at the stars and forget it all.




When I was 15 my father asked if I wanted to go to Seattle with him. I asked my mom. She said no because he planned on taking me to Canada and kidnapping me. Whenever I came home from visiting him, she would examine my body for evidence that he molested me. She would bombard me with questions. Did he touch you? What did you eat? Where did you sleep? Did he wear clothes? Did he jerk off in front of you? Did you watch porn with him? Did he get you drunk? She was obsessed with child molestation news stories. According to her everyone wanted to kidnap and fuck me. She seemed to have forgotten her drunken cuddle time with me.



After the molestation paranoia wore off, she was convinced I was stealing from her to buy drugs. She told me she had hidden microphones all over the house and could hear everything I said. She made the dog sleep in my room because she implanted a microphone under the dog’s skin to keep track of me.



Her room was next to mine. At night I would listen to her cry, calling out to no one. Asking why did Larry leaver her? Why does she have such a horrible son?



Sometimes in the afternoon, she would ask me to sit on the porch with her. She would give me wine coolers and get me drunk. She would put her arm around me. I would get up, go back inside and wait for the yelling or hitting to start. She would come in and say “You think you’re too good for me? You’re just like your father; all he wanted to do was fuck.” She would either just stare at me or throw whatever was closest to her at me. I have to credit her with causing me to have an amazing reaction time and great reflexes.