You Are Free

11/30/2009




The truth is, I getting along alright till I learned his name. Now I have a name and a face to go with these bad thoughts. I gave her a birthday present yesterday when she came to pick up the kids. Setting myself up for more pain I suppose. I really have to get out of that habit.  She had brought me some pictures of the girls and my scanner. She gave me a hug and said I was loosing too much weight. I kissed her cheek and went back inside.I called and told her she forgot the power cable to the scanner. She said she’ll bring it next time. I said good bye. I thought I heard her say I love you. I think I imagined that part.



1973



I thought my grandparents lived in the phone. I would imagine a tiny grandma yelling at the ceiling to talk to me. When we would visit I couldn’t figure out how I shrunk down to phone size. Why the road wasn’t all twisted like the phone cord?







1974



My grandparents had a ranch. They had horses, chickens, pigs and cows. I liked to run around and try to scare the animals. I would sneak into the henhouse and toss the eggs on the ground. The chickens fought each other over who got to eat it. I was fascinated by this.

They brought these crates of baby chicks home. I loved them. They would follow me around when I would go see them. I decided they needed more room. I opened up the door and they all followed me out. We walked around the ranch. We walked up to the front porch. We walked into the house.

I stood on a chair surrounded by the chicks and yelled out “I let all the baby chickens out!”

Everybody came running. They started scooping up chicks and putting them in boxes and baskets.

Granma told me “Never, ever do that again.”

It took awhile to clean up the chickens. I stood in the corner for awhile as punishment for being the great emancipator of chickens.

Grandpa solved the problem by putting a lock on the chicken coop.



Christmas 1975



I had my first cousin. I wasn’t number one anymore. I was the first grandkid, the first nephew. I had everything. Her name was Tanya. She got more then me at Christmas that year. I kicked her in the back.