Someone Great

One of the reasons I considered stopping this is gone. Petty jealousy destroys friendships. I’m sorry if my life seems better then yours, but you are the one who put yourself in the position you are in. You have only yourself to blame. No one is holding you back. Nothing is going to change for you unless you do it yourself. I will miss you, but maybe we need a break. I’ve decided to keep writing, I’m not going to let some people hold me back.




I spent this weekend with my kids. We went to my sister’s house. We spent the weekend scanning old pictures into her computer. It was strange looking at those pictures seeing the progression of a happy family into complete hell. There were a lot of pictures of my childhood. They stopped at age 10. It’s like I disappeared after I turned 10. My sister told me that none of the people mom works with even know she has a son. She stopped telling people about me after she threw me out at 15. It’s a strange feeling knowing that you are being wiped out of someone’s memory.



On the drive home I was playing some mix cd I made. Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem came on. I mentioned that it was a sad song. Gracie asked me what it was about. I told her I think it’s about loosing a great love and being sad that no one seems to know how sad you are and that everything in the world keeps going normally and that makes you sadder. You feel the world and everything in it should be sad too, but it’s not. You are alone in your sadness. I stopped telling her about the song, tears welled up in my eyes. Gracie started crying. I was crying. I put my sunglasses on so she wouldn’t see her dad cry. I reached back to her and grabbed her knee. I told her not to worry, that everything is better now and that I love her and her sister and that I am not going anywhere. After the little crying session I felt better. I guess I need to do that.



On a good note, I found out that I was the fabled cool older brother with good music taste. Apparently my sister’s friends liked me. They thought I was good looking and had an awesome music collection. I don’t know about good looking, but I still have an awesome music collection.