Wake up James

This morning I woke up basically fucked. I couldn’t sleep. I kept getting up and drinking water. I would eat leftovers. I just couldn’t sleep. Around three this morning I decided to check my email. Instead of reading them I deleted every one of them, so if you sent me a message you won’t be getting a reply. I’m not being an asshole; I just don’t know what to say.


I watched Harold and Maude last night before going to bed. It made me sad. I remember the first time I watched it, what I was doing, who I was watching it with and it bummed me out a bit. I know watching it will never be that perfect again. That was the problem; I should never go to bed when I’m sad. I won’t sleep and I’ll just dwell on all the negative things going on.

I’m not alone, I have a lot of friends who are never more then a phone call away, but for some reason I keep trying to push away most of them. Some of my friends I’ve known for over twenty years and lately I just want to tell them to leave me alone. But yet I crave friendship. I want to meet new people.I just have this desire to wipe out my past and start fresh. Is it possible to start a new page while clinging to the past? Do we outgrow our friends? I think I have.

I am sad today, but it’s only because I didn’t sleep. I’ll cheer up again. I always do.