12/13/2009 9 pm

That was the hardest thing I have ever done. To turn my back on you, to not look at you, to not reach out to you. This was the first time I ever saw you that I didn’t try to hug you. I didn’t even to talk to you. It fucking hurt, but I guess I need to do that. Time to walk away, time to move on to new and bigger things. I can’t say better things yet. It’s going to be a long time before I meet someone as great as you.

The other day you asked if I new anyone single. No, everyone I know is married and happy. At my age, most everyone is married. Technically, I’m still married. At I am least for a few more months anyway. How did you do it? How was it so easy for you to go back out there? You’ve got to miss me at least a little. Do you ever see something on TV and think of me? Ever hear a song and it reminds you of me?

Sometimes I think of us together again. I don’t think that will ever happen though. When I see you, you seem happy. That’s all I ever want. For you to be happy again Dawn. I still love to see your smile. I still love the way your face scrunches up when you smile. Your smile always melted my heart and now you’re melting someone else’s heart. Can he hold you like I did? Does he make you feel safe like I tried too? Don’t answer those. I really don’t want to know.

Good night Dawn.

I’m trying. I’m trying like hell.