I can't seem to get away from that place.

1974ish?


I had a dog. I named her puppy because I had no imagination. We were living in a trailer in the desert near a store called Buttermilk Acres. We had a goat. I don’t remember the name. I liked to bring the goat in the house with me to eat the plants. I thought it was two hot outside for my friend the goat. He needed to be cool. Come on in and play goat. It’s not fair I get to be cool and you do not. My mother went nuts. She chased the goat out and made me stand in the corner. We got rid of the goat when he would climb on top of the new car.







1987/88?



Not to sure of the year, I know I was in Rialto. I know I was going to High School number one. After my end of 9th grade high, things started going downhill again. I lost all interest in schoolwork. Mom was acting weird again. She was accusing me of stealing from her. She said I was taking rare coins from her jewelry box and pawning them for comic books. As punishment she threw all my comics away while I was in school.

However, she started letting me go to friends houses. I was allowed to actually go outside and visit people. No girls allowed and she had to meet the kids before I went to visit. She took a liking to Phil. Phil gained special status, he was actually allowed to visit at my house. He couldn’t sleep over or anything, but he could come over. I somehow ended up on the student council. I have no clue how I pulled that off.

When Phil wasn’t around I would go to Danny’s house. We would sit and talk about starting a punk band. We called ourselves The Dead Barbie Dolls. I wrote one song. Called Gidget joins the mafia. Danny would strum away on his guitar and I would scream the lyrics out.

The three of us hung out all the time. We shared a common love of punk rock and skating. No one else was our friend. No girls liked us. W pretended we didn’t care. Love isn’t punk rock. We would ditch school and walk to San Bernardino avoiding any police cars. We’d talk shit about everything. We were cooler then everyone else. We listened to better music. When we saw people kissing at school we would tell ourselves that they weren’t happy, they only thought they were. All while secretly holding secret crushes of our own.



The end of Rialto





We decided we would take the bus to the Montclair Mall. We walked around the different shops. We went to a toy store. I stuck a toy car in my pocket and left the store. While in the arcade, a cop grabbed my shoulder, he reached into my pocket and pulled out the car. He let go and I took off. Another cop grabbed my arms and held me. We were taken to the mall police dept. He said we were being held for theft. He called my mom to come and pick us up.



The ride home was silent. She dropped of Phil and Danny. She told me how embarrassed she was to have a criminal for a son. She said she wouldn’t tell Phil and Danny’s parents. I went to my room and waited for the explosion.

My door opened. “You need to Leave” is all she said. I grabbed my backpack and a coat. I walked to Phil’s house. He answered the door. I asked if I could crash there for the night. He told me no. Said it wouldn’t be a good idea. I turned to walk back home. I can’t go there I thought. I walked into San Bernardino. It was too sketchy for me. I walked back to Rialto. I ended up crashing in the old cemetery, no one there to fuck with me.

The next morning I walked to school. At least there is food there. I got there late. I didn’t see Phil or Danny.

After school I walked home. Mom wouldn’t be there for another two hours and I still had my keys. I figured I’d eat something and split. I got home and a garbage bag with all my clothes were sitting on the porch. Mom walked outside and told me to put the bag in her trunk. I climbed in the car. I asked where we were going. She didn’t say a word.

We pulled up to this house in Long Beach. Get out” She said. “This is your dad’s house, you are his problem now.” I took my bag out. She drove away.

The only problem was that my father was some hospital. He wouldn’t be out for a month.

I spent the next couple weeks out in the streets. I begged for cigarettes and change. I lived off of fried rice, camels, and coffee. I never strayed to far from Long Beach on the off chance dad would get out early. He came home one day to find a dirty smelly 16 year old on his porch. He asked me how long I had been there. I told him I didn’t know.

I got cleaned up and ate pizza. The next morning I had to take the bus back to Rialto to get my school transcripts. I ran into Phil, told him I was in Long Beach and to keep in touch. I didn’t see Danny. I glanced around for super crush. I didn’t see her. I got on my bus back to Long Beach and shut the door on them.



I went to the graduation ceremony in 1991. I just wanted to see everyone. I missed my friends and just wanted to say goodbye again. I looked for anyone I knew. I didn’t find anyone. I went to some graduation party of one of my mother’s friend’s daughters. I was miserable. I never liked these people when I went to school with them and I sure as hell didn’t like them then. I stood in the backyard smoking and drinking a beer. I left through the gate in the back and hitch hiked my way back home. This time I was certain I was done with Rialto.